metaphor

" Arms 2, 3, 4…Turn 2, 3, 4…Swing 2, 3, 4…Down 2, 3, 4…”
These words were spoken by choreographer and dancer Geoffrey Holder's as he took his last breaths. Typical of words at the threshold, they were true to the life story of the speaker.
Hospice worker and health-care providers I spoke with told me that the language of their dying patients is highly metaphoric.* In our final days, we often use the symbols and metaphors that have been important to us throughout our lives, such as the parting words of dancer Geoffrey Holder.
Shared one FWP participant:
My dad had been a roofing contractor and carpenter during his life. At my father’s bedside, when he was dying, he would awaken and look over at me and smile so big…and he told me they had ‘all these kitchenettes over there!’…there were miles and miles of them, and he would be helping to build them. He certainly was having an amazing time during his passing away, judging from the smile and excited look on his face when he would wake up.
Doug C. Smith shares in his book Caregiving how a local magician he cared for told him that he was going to perform his best trick yet. “Watch me disappear, Doug. Come closer, a little closer…” And just as Doug was almost face to face with the illusionist, the elder took his last breath and died.
Often, the metaphors relate to an approaching voyage or big event. “They are an individual’s unique, personal ‘heads-up’ to herald impending transition,” explained nurse Becki Hawkins during our interview. “An avid golfer may say something to this effect: ‘I have a golf game scheduled for tomorrow.’ It doesn’t seem to make sense at the time, but later it does!”
My father spoke about a big art exhibition, and many Final Words Project participants shared end- of-life metaphors that announced the coming of a big event.
Andrea shared this: “On the night my aunt died from lung cancer, she was clearly between two worlds. Her last words to me were when she asked me to bring her best dress and shoes to the hospital because she was attending a grand ball that night and would be so happy to see me there. She died the next day.”
A young man, Thomas, explained: “My grandmother woke up in the middle of the night and started getting dressed in a long gown that was in the back of the closet. She was sitting at her dressing table, putting on jewelry and makeup. An aide came in to see what was going on. My grandma said, ‘Why, I am getting ready for the big dance!’ She then lay down on the bed and died.”
One beloved told his wife, “Dave is telling me he’s waiting for me. He’s waiting to play golf with me. They need a fourth.”
Another dying husband shared the following with his partner: “Through you, we’re in touch with the headquarters of the operation of the aircraft....I may well be coming to a special moment, and that is...we have to let it go at...that point...”
Here are a few examples of metaphors related to travel.
--"The suitcase is packed. I have to go."
--"The car is packed. Where are the keys?"
--"Jetta. I need to get to my Jetta."
--"You hear that plane going over? Is that coming okay? That is the coming of day."
--"The trolley is near."
--"The yellow bus is coming! It's filled with angels!"
Another important symbol is water and often signifies an important shift. Here are a few examples:
--"The tide is turning."
--"The reservoirs are filling."
--"The storm is coming."
--"Do you think the rain is coming?"
Linguist George Lakoff has identified that one of the central metaphors we use in American English is the mind or body is a machine, so it is not surprising then that a common metaphor that emerges in the data refers to things breaking down. “I need maintenance for this.” “Everything in pieces… so many pieces…” “I got to put this all back together.” “I need to put things in order.” There are also a lot of references to shapes, particularly circles and boxes.
Among those interviewed is the Reverend Cari Rush Willis. She shared an example of a care-home director who asked for her help because one of the Alzheimer’s patients kept requesting assistance in finding his passport. Willis explained to the director that the patient did not have a physical problem that needed to be solved but a spiritual one that needed to be heard. She explained the importance of understanding the symbolic nature of his request. She repeated to me her conversation with the dying man:
“You lost your passport. That sounds very upsetting.”
“Yes, yes, it is. I cannot go where I need to.”
“Oh, wow. You cannot go. You are stuck.”
“Yes, I am stuck here between two countries. I am here but I want to be there.”
“Oh, you want to be there.”
“Yes, I so long to be there.”
“Yes, yes, you so long to be there.”
He calmed down considerably and said, “Yes, I long to be there.”
In the accounts of the dying, many “long to be there,” and the journey of “arriving peacefully” is revealed in remarkable language. Honoring the symbols of those we love and care for allows us to both enter and better understand their world at the threshold.
The meanings behind the symbols may not always be clear, but we can begin by listening with finely tuned ears and open hearts--and if nothing else, embrace the metaphors and even use them when we can to build bridges with those we love as they are dying.
**This observation is also documented by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelly in their beautiful book Final Gifts.
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These words were spoken by choreographer and dancer Geoffrey Holder's as he took his last breaths. Typical of words at the threshold, they were true to the life story of the speaker.
Hospice worker and health-care providers I spoke with told me that the language of their dying patients is highly metaphoric.* In our final days, we often use the symbols and metaphors that have been important to us throughout our lives, such as the parting words of dancer Geoffrey Holder.
Shared one FWP participant:
My dad had been a roofing contractor and carpenter during his life. At my father’s bedside, when he was dying, he would awaken and look over at me and smile so big…and he told me they had ‘all these kitchenettes over there!’…there were miles and miles of them, and he would be helping to build them. He certainly was having an amazing time during his passing away, judging from the smile and excited look on his face when he would wake up.
Doug C. Smith shares in his book Caregiving how a local magician he cared for told him that he was going to perform his best trick yet. “Watch me disappear, Doug. Come closer, a little closer…” And just as Doug was almost face to face with the illusionist, the elder took his last breath and died.
Often, the metaphors relate to an approaching voyage or big event. “They are an individual’s unique, personal ‘heads-up’ to herald impending transition,” explained nurse Becki Hawkins during our interview. “An avid golfer may say something to this effect: ‘I have a golf game scheduled for tomorrow.’ It doesn’t seem to make sense at the time, but later it does!”
My father spoke about a big art exhibition, and many Final Words Project participants shared end- of-life metaphors that announced the coming of a big event.
Andrea shared this: “On the night my aunt died from lung cancer, she was clearly between two worlds. Her last words to me were when she asked me to bring her best dress and shoes to the hospital because she was attending a grand ball that night and would be so happy to see me there. She died the next day.”
A young man, Thomas, explained: “My grandmother woke up in the middle of the night and started getting dressed in a long gown that was in the back of the closet. She was sitting at her dressing table, putting on jewelry and makeup. An aide came in to see what was going on. My grandma said, ‘Why, I am getting ready for the big dance!’ She then lay down on the bed and died.”
One beloved told his wife, “Dave is telling me he’s waiting for me. He’s waiting to play golf with me. They need a fourth.”
Another dying husband shared the following with his partner: “Through you, we’re in touch with the headquarters of the operation of the aircraft....I may well be coming to a special moment, and that is...we have to let it go at...that point...”
Here are a few examples of metaphors related to travel.
--"The suitcase is packed. I have to go."
--"The car is packed. Where are the keys?"
--"Jetta. I need to get to my Jetta."
--"You hear that plane going over? Is that coming okay? That is the coming of day."
--"The trolley is near."
--"The yellow bus is coming! It's filled with angels!"
Another important symbol is water and often signifies an important shift. Here are a few examples:
--"The tide is turning."
--"The reservoirs are filling."
--"The storm is coming."
--"Do you think the rain is coming?"
Linguist George Lakoff has identified that one of the central metaphors we use in American English is the mind or body is a machine, so it is not surprising then that a common metaphor that emerges in the data refers to things breaking down. “I need maintenance for this.” “Everything in pieces… so many pieces…” “I got to put this all back together.” “I need to put things in order.” There are also a lot of references to shapes, particularly circles and boxes.
Among those interviewed is the Reverend Cari Rush Willis. She shared an example of a care-home director who asked for her help because one of the Alzheimer’s patients kept requesting assistance in finding his passport. Willis explained to the director that the patient did not have a physical problem that needed to be solved but a spiritual one that needed to be heard. She explained the importance of understanding the symbolic nature of his request. She repeated to me her conversation with the dying man:
“You lost your passport. That sounds very upsetting.”
“Yes, yes, it is. I cannot go where I need to.”
“Oh, wow. You cannot go. You are stuck.”
“Yes, I am stuck here between two countries. I am here but I want to be there.”
“Oh, you want to be there.”
“Yes, I so long to be there.”
“Yes, yes, you so long to be there.”
He calmed down considerably and said, “Yes, I long to be there.”
In the accounts of the dying, many “long to be there,” and the journey of “arriving peacefully” is revealed in remarkable language. Honoring the symbols of those we love and care for allows us to both enter and better understand their world at the threshold.
The meanings behind the symbols may not always be clear, but we can begin by listening with finely tuned ears and open hearts--and if nothing else, embrace the metaphors and even use them when we can to build bridges with those we love as they are dying.
**This observation is also documented by Maggie Callanan and Patricia Kelly in their beautiful book Final Gifts.
y